Everyone has their own problems they’re either dealing with, or pushing aside. To help you through your seasonal depression, relationship/friendship issues, or everyday malaise, I’m going to write about my personal experiences with different scenarios and topics through a series of columns titled Spartan Self Care. 

As the season changes and the temperature drops, you might be feeling less energetic and more alone. You might even be thinking about going back to a relationship that’s run its course to help cure your ailments. 

I’m here today to tell you: DO NOT GO BACK TO AN EX.

Almost everyone has had to move on, or struggled with it. It’s okay to return to a past love, it becomes a problem when you’re going back to someone unhealthy for you. It’s never a good feeling to be someone’s sometime. Some believe there’s a never ending cycle with a person, this is known as a situationship. Losing someone you’ve gained strong feelings for, can be your hardest challenge, but what’s making it more challenging, is you going back. In the heat of the moment, you’re happy to be talking to this person again, you have hope in going back to the way things used to be. I’ve found myself in a position where I was traveling backwards, I was going back to old talking stages/ex’s as a way to fill a void I felt I was missing.

You can’t move on from someone if you’re still waiting for them to come back.  

However, our false hope is holding us back from moving forward. The worst things happen when you’re talking to the wrong person. 

Unfortunately, we lose ourselves trying to fix people. You should never beg someone for forgiveness, a response, to better themselves, or to choose you. 

Recognizing that being alone is healthy, is step two to improving your health. It’s not a must to have friendships or be in a relationship. Taking time to care for yourself is valuable, you start seeing the world in a different way. I watched the sunset almost every night, I found peace in being with myself. At times my social battery was drained, I forced myself to stay home certain nights. I felt I should be with my friends, because I couldn’t surround myself with others while struggling.

Being alone is peaceful, you can figure out who you are without anyone getting in the way. When you love yourself first, you become better equipped to love and support others genuinely. You can finally be you, elevate yourself, protect you, and work on the best version of yourself. 

What is meant for you will never pass you by, and what does pass you by, was never meant for you. Noticing the little things. Realizing if it comes, let it. If it goes, let it. 

Change is uncomfortable but necessary. 

You need to surround yourself with people who accept you for who you are, you should never apologize for being you. Learn to take one good last look because you’re never going back again. Living in the moment other than focusing on the past. 

A hard thing to accept for some is, boys are not everything. You don’t need to have a certain guy in your life, or to be in love. 

The need is to love yourself. 

We’re not all there fully with loving ourselves, but I stopped being around people who brought my mood or self esteem down. I started surrounding myself with people who make me happy, keep me included, and always check in on me. I would do little things such as getting my nails done, my hair done, just to make me feel fresh, and make me feel better about myself. 

You can’t love someone if you don’t have love for yourself. You should never feel the need to change yourself to fit someone’s expectations. If you’re looking for any type of relationship or friendship, you need to pick the right people. Going through a couple friend groups to figure out who you’re leaving high school with, is okay. You shouldn’t surround yourself with people who judge you, where you feel like you fully can’t be yourself.